The Love of Fan Fiction

So I've been thinking a lot in these last couple of weeks, which really does me no good in the end. I've read quite a few articles on the subject of fan fiction and what it's like to be a real author and a fan fiction writer at the same time. The general consensus of it all is that publisher author's do not write fan fiction. It destroy's your validity. Entirely. Which this I find both interesting and sad.

When I was in college I wrote so much original fiction it hurt. Updating my fan fictions never happened because I was engrossed in my original concepts and working on them even in my dreams. But now, now I can't think of anything that isn't someone else's story to begin with. And that is SO upsetting.

My dream since the beginning of time has always been to be an author. A published, adored, maybe even hated a little, author. I want to have a book with my name on it in Barnes and Nobles. I want teenagers to read the words that I've written and know that I've been there too.

So I guess I have to clean up and cut ties. I don't know. My goal isn't to just delete all of my fan fictions, believe me there. But I'm going to distance them from myself. That's for sure. Maybe I'll finish them, maybe I'll just... I don't know. I really don't know. I love those stories like their my babies but they're not going to go anywhere. THEY ARE GOING TO GO NOWHERE.

So what's the point of them? To make people on the internet happy? When did I start getting paid for that? Age old motto: Don't do anything you're good at for free.

Maybe I'm cocky here in this sentence but I think I'm good at writing. So maybe I should stop doing fan fiction, stop doing it for free. Maybe I should just say fuck it and do what I want? Maybe I should just curl up in a ball and sleep. I don't know. All good choices. All points of validity. All washing through my head trying to figure out what to do.

Devour Me & Safe and Sound

There's a new chapter of Devour Me out! I'm pretty happy about it. It's roughly 3000 words long, which isn't that much in the grand scheme of real novels, but it covers quite a bit. I've set that baby up right where I want it, and now all the fun is going to begin. So if you'd like to read it, or the entire story (there are two prequel's however) then check below! I've linked them all up just this once. 

Also, I've updated Safe and Sound, my Walking Dead drabble series, twice. I'm hoping to add on a few more short drabbles to it by the end of the week as well. They're typed up but they have to be read through about a million times and cut down and reorganized and straightened out. I love drabbles, but I'm so OCD about how they are structured. Hopefully, you'll enjoy that too, also linked below. 

Devour Me
Read Me: Mibba, Fan Fiction, Archive of Our Own, Wattpad
Summary: Fiona finds herself in the desert, surrounded by a holy man, Johns, and a villain with no hair. It all seems oddly familiar.
Prequels: Eat Me (M, FF, AOOO, W) & then Feed Me (M, FF, AOOO, W)

Safe and Sound

Read Me: Mibba, Fan Fiction, Archive Of Our Own, Wattpad

Summary: He thought for a moment, as he watched her wade in the murky liquid, that she might walk on the water rather than sink into.

This collection is a short Drabble series that follows Daryl Dixon and an OC through the apocalypse.

And that's it for the updates right now! I have some new stories to add to this wonderful list, and a real blog to post tonight when I get home, but that's it for now. It's time to go to work. AND SLAVE AWAY. (not really)

More Plot Bunnies

It's 1:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I've eaten very little for the day, if not for the week because of stress and I assume the combination of that and the monster energy drink are leaving me in this predicament. Oh well, it's not the end of the world. No one REALLY needs 8 hours of sleep, do they? *dies*

I'm thinking again. I've been reading a lot, surfing the internet for all kinds of stories and ingesting as much in my fandom's as possible. A lot of smut, a lot of cute shit, a lot of gore and horror. The vast collection of stories I read is innumerable. But that brings me to my top one struggle.

Reading always provides the plot bunnies for me.

I find themes, shy themes hidden in the shadows, in stories that I really like. Ones they didn't entirely notice, or that they did but didn't develop the way I would like with a completely different set of character's entirely. So I sit here and think of what I could do to make the thoughts go away, and of course that's writing. A lot of writing. I've been writing shamelessly interesting smut filled shorts for the last couple of days and I'm most certainly more proud of myself than I intended to be.

The new plot bunny has nothing to do with smut though, and thats where the shift struggle comes! Yo see, I have depression. I have my entire life just about, and the many thoughts of life ending situations have come into my train of thought countless times. (this is no pity party post so please save your condolences for my mention of suicide, it'll go on deaf ears) But it just lends me to this new anxiety thing I have and wraps up and leaves me with this new original story line.

What if a young man was walking across a slow traffic New York bridge, trying to get home after sleeping with some girl he doesn't remember the name of. What if it's 4 in the morning and winter so the morning joggers are just now stirring and he sees this girl there on the ledge, lent over and minding her own business. He recognizes her, as he graduated from college with her, and he even remembers her name, but he doesn't say anything. He just walks past her and when he turns to look back she plummets to her death.

Why am I so morbid?

Maybe something more will come from that plot bunny up there. Maybe, just maybe.