The Love of Fan Fiction

So I've been thinking a lot in these last couple of weeks, which really does me no good in the end. I've read quite a few articles on the subject of fan fiction and what it's like to be a real author and a fan fiction writer at the same time. The general consensus of it all is that publisher author's do not write fan fiction. It destroy's your validity. Entirely. Which this I find both interesting and sad.

When I was in college I wrote so much original fiction it hurt. Updating my fan fictions never happened because I was engrossed in my original concepts and working on them even in my dreams. But now, now I can't think of anything that isn't someone else's story to begin with. And that is SO upsetting.

My dream since the beginning of time has always been to be an author. A published, adored, maybe even hated a little, author. I want to have a book with my name on it in Barnes and Nobles. I want teenagers to read the words that I've written and know that I've been there too.

So I guess I have to clean up and cut ties. I don't know. My goal isn't to just delete all of my fan fictions, believe me there. But I'm going to distance them from myself. That's for sure. Maybe I'll finish them, maybe I'll just... I don't know. I really don't know. I love those stories like their my babies but they're not going to go anywhere. THEY ARE GOING TO GO NOWHERE.

So what's the point of them? To make people on the internet happy? When did I start getting paid for that? Age old motto: Don't do anything you're good at for free.

Maybe I'm cocky here in this sentence but I think I'm good at writing. So maybe I should stop doing fan fiction, stop doing it for free. Maybe I should just say fuck it and do what I want? Maybe I should just curl up in a ball and sleep. I don't know. All good choices. All points of validity. All washing through my head trying to figure out what to do.

Sneezing My Brains Out

This blog is long overdue. I've been meaning to post it for the last couple of days but life keeps getting in the way, and by the end of the day... I just want to sleep. Which is silly, because I haven't slept much for the last couple of days. BUT OH WELL. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, AND IT DOESN'T NEED TO.

But anyhow, the magic list I posted a few days ago has been worked on! 

• Finish the piggie bank for a co-worker so I can get it in the oven and call it a day.
• Update Breaking Barriers and figure out how long I really want this sudden and distraction-filled plot bunny to be.
• Update Devour Me
• Update 1995
• Make a display banner for main hollow girl site
• Work on some updates for graphic's website
• Make a new layout for this site, using HTML and stuffs... (LIKE A BOSS)
• Sleep and sleep, and maybe sleep.
• Binge watch Markiplier. 

So I've done quite a bit, and the majority of all of that needs to be on repeat weekly, but it is what it is. I'm proud I accomplished period. BOOYAH. I'm going to work on my more obscure stories tonight and hopefully crank out some updates on those, and then maybe work on one of the bigger ones. Who knows. Maybe I'll just fall asleep. I hope not though. I'm REALLY excited to get back into 1995. 

I've also been working on some original works but I don't really want to put those up because the idea there of course is to have them published. I don't know. I don't seem to know anything these days. My brain is fried. I'm moving in less than three months and I keep forgetting for some reason that my life is about to shift to the other side of my state. No more mom, no more of these friends, but a lot more of the past. ALOT of it. So it's going to be ok, I just keep saying that. It'll be ok. 

Yeah? yeah. 

Devour Me & Safe and Sound

There's a new chapter of Devour Me out! I'm pretty happy about it. It's roughly 3000 words long, which isn't that much in the grand scheme of real novels, but it covers quite a bit. I've set that baby up right where I want it, and now all the fun is going to begin. So if you'd like to read it, or the entire story (there are two prequel's however) then check below! I've linked them all up just this once. 

Also, I've updated Safe and Sound, my Walking Dead drabble series, twice. I'm hoping to add on a few more short drabbles to it by the end of the week as well. They're typed up but they have to be read through about a million times and cut down and reorganized and straightened out. I love drabbles, but I'm so OCD about how they are structured. Hopefully, you'll enjoy that too, also linked below. 

Devour Me
Read Me: Mibba, Fan Fiction, Archive of Our Own, Wattpad
Summary: Fiona finds herself in the desert, surrounded by a holy man, Johns, and a villain with no hair. It all seems oddly familiar.
Prequels: Eat Me (M, FF, AOOO, W) & then Feed Me (M, FF, AOOO, W)

Safe and Sound

Read Me: Mibba, Fan Fiction, Archive Of Our Own, Wattpad

Summary: He thought for a moment, as he watched her wade in the murky liquid, that she might walk on the water rather than sink into.

This collection is a short Drabble series that follows Daryl Dixon and an OC through the apocalypse.

And that's it for the updates right now! I have some new stories to add to this wonderful list, and a real blog to post tonight when I get home, but that's it for now. It's time to go to work. AND SLAVE AWAY. (not really)

Life REALLY sucks when it gets in the way

So this week has been a PRETTY fantastic (busy yes) week. I've had some ups, and I've had some downs, but today my best friend came back to me from a trip and I couldn't be happier than anything to see him. I admittedly wanted to hug the shit out of him and force him to love me but that's a different story entirely. LMAO

I'm currently sitting in my bed without pants trying to figure out what to do with everything that I've got to do. My TO DO List keeps growing and I thought I would share it here, with hopes that I could return to it tomorrow when I get a chance to sit down and make myself do it. Mainly because it'll be leering at me and I'll need to update on my results, right? It's a mixed combination of all kinds of things, mainly graphic's but aLOT of writing! Hopefully, I can find the time to do it all. After work. After struggle. After sleep. Maybe I'll get some monster tomorrow and forget about sleep? *cackles*

My Life To-Do List for the Weekend:

• Finish the piggie bank for a co-worker so I can get it in the oven and call it a day.
• Update Breaking Barriers and figure out how long I really want this sudden and distraction filled plot bunny to be.
• Update Devour Me
• Update 1995
• Make a display banner for main hollow girl site
• Work on some updates for graphic's website
• Make a new layout for this site, using HTML and stuffs... (LIKE A BOSS)
• Sleep and sleep, and maybe sleep.
• Binge watch Markiplier. 

That be it for now! Maybe I'll add to it, and if I do it'll probably be a new post entirely with scratches through the shit I've done. Who knows, who really cares? All I know if that I've actually updated this blog more than I have any other one. And maybe that's because I know Renee is creeping on me and I feel motivated to give her something to creep on. LOL. 

Is it really ONLY Wednesday?

I am struggling to keep my sanity this week! I need to update almost everything I've ever written and right now I'm feeling sleep and Markiplier and absolutely nothing. I find myself getting stuck from time to time in these ruts where I don't want to do diddly squat and I find myself sitting around watching people play video games and wondering what I'm doing with my life. Which the answer is nothing.

I need to find a new job in the place I'm moving. I need to focus on rocking out this job like a boss, and I need to save money for my move. SOME BODY SHOW ME THE WAY. XD

Sanity. Do they sell that at Walmart?

More Plot Bunnies

It's 1:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I've eaten very little for the day, if not for the week because of stress and I assume the combination of that and the monster energy drink are leaving me in this predicament. Oh well, it's not the end of the world. No one REALLY needs 8 hours of sleep, do they? *dies*

I'm thinking again. I've been reading a lot, surfing the internet for all kinds of stories and ingesting as much in my fandom's as possible. A lot of smut, a lot of cute shit, a lot of gore and horror. The vast collection of stories I read is innumerable. But that brings me to my top one struggle.

Reading always provides the plot bunnies for me.

I find themes, shy themes hidden in the shadows, in stories that I really like. Ones they didn't entirely notice, or that they did but didn't develop the way I would like with a completely different set of character's entirely. So I sit here and think of what I could do to make the thoughts go away, and of course that's writing. A lot of writing. I've been writing shamelessly interesting smut filled shorts for the last couple of days and I'm most certainly more proud of myself than I intended to be.

The new plot bunny has nothing to do with smut though, and thats where the shift struggle comes! Yo see, I have depression. I have my entire life just about, and the many thoughts of life ending situations have come into my train of thought countless times. (this is no pity party post so please save your condolences for my mention of suicide, it'll go on deaf ears) But it just lends me to this new anxiety thing I have and wraps up and leaves me with this new original story line.

What if a young man was walking across a slow traffic New York bridge, trying to get home after sleeping with some girl he doesn't remember the name of. What if it's 4 in the morning and winter so the morning joggers are just now stirring and he sees this girl there on the ledge, lent over and minding her own business. He recognizes her, as he graduated from college with her, and he even remembers her name, but he doesn't say anything. He just walks past her and when he turns to look back she plummets to her death.

Why am I so morbid?

Maybe something more will come from that plot bunny up there. Maybe, just maybe.

Breaking Barriers

Well, I did it...

I'm completely and utterly distracting myself from the usual writing to partake in some short little stories that will amount to nothing but make me feel good. SO I SUPPOSE THATS OK.

Breaking Barriers is right now in its beginning and will only be a couple of chapters in total. It's a Markiplier Fan Fiction, I'm not ashamed, and I'm going to enjoy writing it. That's about it for now, I'm awfully tired.